When confronting the enemy, you need to have your wits about you. A dash of humour doesn’t hurt either. Sure, Japanese knotweed and other invasive species may be out to destroy your land, destabilise your house, and serve you with an ASBO, but you can fight back in ways these little pests will never see coming. Here are some ideas.
Eat the Enemy
If you’re going to be an invasive species, it’s best to not be a tasty invasive species. Using Japanese knotweed is particularly delicious and seems to go well with everything. A quick search online can see you tucking into a serving of strawberry knotweed pie (ice cream optional) or sour cream knotweed crumb cake.
If you’ve given up all hope of selling your home upon discovery of Japanese knotweed, you can always invite prospective buyers in, give them a bite to eat, and explain where it comes from. You may not make the sale, but you’ll impress them with your culinary skills.
Check out: JAPANESE KNOTWEED RECIPES
Sit on the Enemy
What better place to enjoy a slice of strawberry knotweed pie than from the comfort of your Japanese knotweed recliner. In fact, give your Japanese knotweed a real poke in the eye by serving your pie on a table made from Japanese knotweed.
The very strength that makes Japanese knotweed so invasive is exactly what turns it into durable furniture. However, there’s more to Japanese knotweed than pure pragmatism, as the curved shapes are strangely beautiful. It’s nice to know your invasive plants strength is also its greatest weakness.
Get Tipsy with the Enemy…
…Or maybe that should be tipsy on the enemy. Japanese knotweed wine is delicious and totally organic, or you can fill a Kilner jar with chopped, raw Japanese knotweed and pour vodka on it. You’ll need to use vodka of at least 48% and keep it for a month before it’s worth drinking, but the results are wonderful.
Before you know it you’ll be wandering around your garden, glass in hand, telling all the other Japanese knotweed how much you love it. It won’t believe you.
Get Smelly with the Enemy
By this we mean the nice kind of smelly found in perfumes and colognes, and by the enemy we’re talking about the waterway choking water hyacinth. Thankfully, you can boil this noxious beast down and turn it into perfume.
Alternatively, you can always sell it onto a perfumer. If you don’t know a reliable perfume house or you don’t know how to make perfume, just boil it down anyway.
Turn the Enemy into Poo
While we’re on the subject of water hyacinths, there are a couple of other practical uses for it. First of all, it makes a fantastic fertiliser, allowing this ultimately destructive plant to give something back to the green-fingered community for a change. If you’re looking for other forms of gas, the water hyacinth is frequently processed as a biofuel or even animal feed. It’s a fitting end for a weed that seems determined to kill the planet.
Get Healed by the Enemy
The enemy in this case goes by many names, such as the Hottentot fig, the sour fig, or the sea fig. They’re only prevalent in certain types of Britain, but we really don’t want them anywhere. While the South Africans turn them into jam, and some adventurous people actually enjoy the slimy, salty flavours of the outer leaves, it’s most practical use is medicinal. Hottentot figs have antiseptic leaves and these can be gargled to heal mouth and throat infections.
Taken orally, these leaves can act as a diuretic, ease dysentery and digestive troubles, and cure that nasty case of tuberculosis you picked up down the road. Externally, you can apply Hottentot fig leaves to treat eczema, wounds, burns, and mouth ulcers. They’ll even work against toothache, earache, oral and vaginal thrush, and to help babies with sore gums. Not to noxious are you now, Hottentot fig?
So there you go. With a bit of spare time, some ingenuity, and a backyard of invasive species, you can do almost anything. You’ll have to work at it though, especially if you don’t want that ASBO.